theNewerYork Press

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We're irreverent literary publishers. No short stories no poetry, just weird stuff with words. Posting several stories a day, printing books, putting on events, selling art, making art, making movies, killing it. 

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New Fiction: Heartbreak #80 by Alex Sobel 

A list of possible child names that I’ve gathered over the years:
Margot
Amity
Jude
Marceline
Levon
Noah
A list of ex-girlfriends who have since used one of my names for one of their children:
Caitlin
Megan
The names that I now need to cross off of my list:
Margot
Jude
A list of other places that the remaining names could be repurposed:
Characters names in a book
Dog/cat names
A list of the names that have actually been repurposed since finding out:
N/A
A list of people who know:
Myself
My wife, Suzanne
The doctor present, who’s Middle Eastern name I forget
That snooping medical records clerk with the ugly face, I just know it
Titles I’ve given to arguments my wife and I have had about it since:
“I Say It Isn’t Anyone’s Fault (But I Know It’s Mine)”
“Tell Me That You Love Me Like You Mean It”
“We (Might) Survive This (but Things Will Never Be the Same Between Us)”
“Somebody, Somewhere, Has It Worse Than We Do”
A list of people I’ve told about my situation with the names:
My cat
My therapist
A list of coping mechanisms (that have come up during therapy sessions):
Adoption
Writing a wish fulfillment book about a couple who can’t have children, but because of willpower/God/magic conceive a child
Crying until I can’t
A list of things I do instead:
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing


Read it: http://theneweryork.com/heartbreak-80-alex-sobel/ High-res

New Fiction: Heartbreak #80 by Alex Sobel

A list of possible child names that I’ve gathered over the years:

  1. Margot
  2. Amity
  3. Jude
  4. Marceline
  5. Levon
  6. Noah

A list of ex-girlfriends who have since used one of my names for one of their children:

  1. Caitlin
  2. Megan

The names that I now need to cross off of my list:

  1. Margot
  2. Jude

A list of other places that the remaining names could be repurposed:

  1. Characters names in a book
  2. Dog/cat names

A list of the names that have actually been repurposed since finding out:

  1. N/A

A list of people who know:

  1. Myself
  2. My wife, Suzanne
  3. The doctor present, who’s Middle Eastern name I forget
  4. That snooping medical records clerk with the ugly face, I just know it

Titles I’ve given to arguments my wife and I have had about it since:

  1. “I Say It Isn’t Anyone’s Fault (But I Know It’s Mine)”
  2. “Tell Me That You Love Me Like You Mean It”
  3. “We (Might) Survive This (but Things Will Never Be the Same Between Us)”
  4. “Somebody, Somewhere, Has It Worse Than We Do”

A list of people I’ve told about my situation with the names:

  1. My cat
  2. My therapist

A list of coping mechanisms (that have come up during therapy sessions):

  1. Adoption
  2. Writing a wish fulfillment book about a couple who can’t have children, but because of willpower/God/magic conceive a child
  3. Crying until I can’t

A list of things I do instead:

  1. Nothing
  2. Nothing
  3. Nothing
Read it: http://theneweryork.com/heartbreak-80-alex-sobel/

Fill Our Coffers (With Your Weirdness)!

Name
Stuart Wurtman

State
CA

Mental State
Anhedral

Martial Arts Status
Invalid For Course Heading Integration

What is the first animal you remember killing?
Duck.

How long have you had this problem and why do you think it lingers? (You know which problem.)
Since the integration of the latest avionics firmware version 5318008-1.0.1.

What color is a bluejay?
#0000FF or 15000K-ish

What is the first feeling that babies feel?
Light

Which iteration of you was your favorite and why?
5318008, it looked the best on a calculator.

Sigur Ros or Sugar Ray
They’re the same person.

Explain your step-by-step process re: growing as a human being.
Water daily; keep emersed in sandy or rocky soil to prevent root rot; ferment for fun.

How much alcohol do you drink when you have the next day off?
Not enough

What is your face?
Visual learner?

Dear diary,
A beautiful buck bounds atop boreal brush, bestricken by blade, but bestanding the basic, binding bestandteil of being with brio. kaput.

Deer dairy,
…That should have been in this one.

Any parties?
a bundance of them.

Would you like to adopt a red panda?
Queen: Paint black ones red.

How do you separate the artist from the art? Should you even?
Nope.

You are a human being on planet Earth. Please rate your experience thus far. 10 being not very satisfied and 0 being extremely satisfied.
2.7182818284590452353602874

What kind of goth are you?
Cyber

What’s the first thing you say to strangers at parties?
Ready for Takeoff.

SUBMIT HERE

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New Fiction: An Antelope Explaining To An Antelope How To Hunt Antelope by Carabella Sands 

On my way to somewhere I needed to be, I saw a naked person guide a pack of other naked people. I assumed the leader was an old woman with an ashy butt. Five feet away I could see she was young and beautiful. She screamed in my face, “GET NAKED.” Her breath smelled like she’d eaten orchids all night. I told her not to yell. I said, “Speak to me the way you do when I am asleep.” Her faces became more like the moon. She cooed, “Get nude. It’s safe.”


Read it: http://theneweryork.com/an-antelope-explaining-to-an-antelope-how-to-hunt-antelope-carabella-sands/ High-res

New Fiction: An Antelope Explaining To An Antelope How To Hunt Antelope by Carabella Sands

On my way to somewhere I needed to be, I saw a naked person guide a pack of other naked people. I assumed the leader was an old woman with an ashy butt. Five feet away I could see she was young and beautiful. She screamed in my face, “GET NAKED.” Her breath smelled like she’d eaten orchids all night. I told her not to yell. I said, “Speak to me the way you do when I am asleep.” Her faces became more like the moon. She cooed, “Get nude. It’s safe.”

Read it: http://theneweryork.com/an-antelope-explaining-to-an-antelope-how-to-hunt-antelope-carabella-sands/
ericboydblog:

Here’s an interview I did with the Huffington Post for Akashic Books’ “Prison Noir” anthology, edited by Joyce Carol Oates. It’s very odd to see my name on a publication I’ve actually read o many times. At any rate, check it out!
From the interview:

How did your writing change in jail?
I’ve been writing since I was 14. I go back and read older stuff — I have all these flowery metaphors, I think I would sometimes write “indeed.” It was just pitiful. Jail was kind of nice because it just strips you down to the bone. You’re left with exactly what you need. Something about the jail had a very good way of killing off pretense. What did [Raymond] Carver say, “get in, get out.” Jail will make you do that. You get in, and you try and get out. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lidia-jean-kott/get-in-get-out-dont-linge_b_5851298.html?utm_hp_ref=books
High-res

ericboydblog:

Here’s an interview I did with the Huffington Post for Akashic Books’ “Prison Noir” anthology, edited by Joyce Carol Oates. It’s very odd to see my name on a publication I’ve actually read o many times. At any rate, check it out!

From the interview:

How did your writing change in jail?

I’ve been writing since I was 14. I go back and read older stuff — I have all these flowery metaphors, I think I would sometimes write “indeed.” It was just pitiful. Jail was kind of nice because it just strips you down to the bone. You’re left with exactly what you need. Something about the jail had a very good way of killing off pretense. What did [Raymond] Carver say, “get in, get out.” Jail will make you do that. You get in, and you try and get out. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lidia-jean-kott/get-in-get-out-dont-linge_b_5851298.html?utm_hp_ref=books

New Fiction: Electric Bill by L.M Alder 

O, Demeter not the hair on my arms and henceforth without the right to bear alms and anyway the story goes as thus I’m not the frank (under)standing matrix of the forget-me-not and Clausewitz method of execution on television before the advent of claustrophobic nincompoops and after all of the blankets have been manufactured beneath the golden graham sun in the pearly, pearly vine-growth of the dryer turning further into my heart like a screwdriver from the doorway of the breast examination that revealed your stage 3 cancer and led to a mastectomy (background color) without french fries without mayonnaise without the prime minister without a sofa without black licorice without Reggio’s pizzeria and light sockets beneath our feet again despite me asking for a replacement valve in the kitchen the bathroom the bedroom the living room the den the garage the basement the attic the other bedroom the other bedroom the other bedroom the guest bedroom the second guest bedroom the other bathroom the half bathroom the other garage the shed and the porch so why don’t you buzz my hair today with the clippers and we can take a walk down Summit Avenue and buy some new speakers and listen to the hymn together until we want captain crunch cereal and then we will walk to the supermarket and we will buy captain crunch cereal and I will buy milk that came from a cow and you will buy almond milk and we will invite Loretta over to play my guitar and sing about two-by-fours and bubble makers and ring bearers and Toshiba computers and then we can reorganize the closet and also where is that human Ivan the terrible when you need him to give you a blow job and how come grass is made of the same kind of stuff as Tupperware but before when I was on my knees and had my hands clasped tightly and I was repeating my secret mantra you came and kissed me on my neck and it sent a strange feeling down the length of my body and I shuddered because of the kiss but not in a bad way more like the feeling you have when you put your clothes in the dryer at the laundromat and when my tank tops that I bought from the five and dime go stale I put them with the dogs in the kennel and plug in my n64 and play some mario kart until the goats come back from their journey to the center of a tootsie roll pop before the new blu-ray player comes can you please make sure that we pay our electric bill?


Read it: http://theneweryork.com/electric-bill-l-m-alder/ High-res

New Fiction: Electric Bill by L.M Alder

O, Demeter not the hair on my arms and henceforth without the right to bear alms and anyway the story goes as thus I’m not the frank (under)standing matrix of the forget-me-not and Clausewitz method of execution on television before the advent of claustrophobic nincompoops and after all of the blankets have been manufactured beneath the golden graham sun in the pearly, pearly vine-growth of the dryer turning further into my heart like a screwdriver from the doorway of the breast examination that revealed your stage 3 cancer and led to a mastectomy (background color) without french fries without mayonnaise without the prime minister without a sofa without black licorice without Reggio’s pizzeria and light sockets beneath our feet again despite me asking for a replacement valve in the kitchen the bathroom the bedroom the living room the den the garage the basement the attic the other bedroom the other bedroom the other bedroom the guest bedroom the second guest bedroom the other bathroom the half bathroom the other garage the shed and the porch so why don’t you buzz my hair today with the clippers and we can take a walk down Summit Avenue and buy some new speakers and listen to the hymn together until we want captain crunch cereal and then we will walk to the supermarket and we will buy captain crunch cereal and I will buy milk that came from a cow and you will buy almond milk and we will invite Loretta over to play my guitar and sing about two-by-fours and bubble makers and ring bearers and Toshiba computers and then we can reorganize the closet and also where is that human Ivan the terrible when you need him to give you a blow job and how come grass is made of the same kind of stuff as Tupperware but before when I was on my knees and had my hands clasped tightly and I was repeating my secret mantra you came and kissed me on my neck and it sent a strange feeling down the length of my body and I shuddered because of the kiss but not in a bad way more like the feeling you have when you put your clothes in the dryer at the laundromat and when my tank tops that I bought from the five and dime go stale I put them with the dogs in the kennel and plug in my n64 and play some mario kart until the goats come back from their journey to the center of a tootsie roll pop before the new blu-ray player comes can you please make sure that we pay our electric bill?

Read it: http://theneweryork.com/electric-bill-l-m-alder/

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