New Fiction: theNewerYork Town Charter #1 by Joshua
Editor’s Note: Welcome to the newest news source in theNewerYork, theNewerYork Dispatch. We promise to bring you the slowest, least accurate news from the rapidly-forming metro area known as theNewerYork.
Today theNewerYork made history by drafting and signing a town charter in under six seconds. We have reproduced it in full here.
TOWN CHARTER OF THE DISTRICT OF IRREVERENCE, THENEWERYORK
Approved: May 2, 2014 12:00:01
Effective: May 2, 2014 12:00:04
IN ORDER TO promote experimentation with words all over the world pursuant with the laws of irreverence, theNewerYork adopts the following charter…
CHAPTER !, SECTION ***, RESIDENTS AND CITIZENS
All the inhabitants of dwelling within the thought-space between the back of the left ear and the mastoid process shall now constitute the body literatic named theNewerYork.
All of those who name themselves citizens of theNewerYork will be given all the powers and privileges of citizenship, including:
- 24-hour-a-day-all-you-can-eat experimental buffet
- A deluge of riches that can’t be spent
- Ideas, inspiration, stories, and artifacts beamed directly to personal picture windows
- One (1) lifetime supply of happiness
- Two (2) lifetime supplies of misery
- A permanent bump in fictional social status
- Access to bath houses (after signing additional waiver)
- Increased sensitivity to drugs and emotions
- The ability to talk to dogs
Further information on obtaining citizenship (and all applicable forms and documents) can be found in Appendix (.
CHAPTER !, SECTION “”, INJUNCTIONS
WE BANISH all traditions, short stories, stanzas, poems, paragraphs, novels, and other known literary forms from the city limits of theNewerYork.
WE MANDATE that all official literary artifacts found within our digital sphere shall be LESS THAN, EQUAL TO, OR TOO WEIRD TO BE CONFINED TO language.
WE DECLARE a municipal partnership with all those who are attracted to bizarre, odd, weird, new, and unstable literary forms.
WE ENCOURAGE partnership between words and images, whether they like each other or not.
WE PROMISE to disappoint at least one resident of theNewerYork.
WE ABOLISH genre.
WE DECREE that all shall get weird with words. Whenever.
CHAPTER !, SECTION +, EFFECTIVE DATE
This charter shall take effect on May 2nd, 2014, and all clauses shall be retroactively applied to all previous dates, persons, places, things, and ideas.
Read it: http://theneweryork.com/dispatch/theneweryork-town-charter-1/